She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
