So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
