so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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