I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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