i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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