You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
