grandma shit on top of the toilet
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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