stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
