your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
