I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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