Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
