yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
