If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
