addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
