How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
