i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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