so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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