OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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