you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
