Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize