This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
