I wish they made helmets for livers.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
