I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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