at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize