I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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