I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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