he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
