question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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