Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So vagazzling was a success
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
