Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
