she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
