I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
