Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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