I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
