one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
