i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
