Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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