its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
