I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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