Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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