umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
