I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
