I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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