When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize