Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When are your genitals available?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize