I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize