Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
