I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
