On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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