Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
