Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
