Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
