im about as happy as oj after his trial
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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