Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
