get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
