I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
