i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
