good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
