They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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