how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
