Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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