Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
