is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
