Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He is an equal opportunity slut.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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