It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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