Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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