I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
