the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
