We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
