Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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