I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize