actually, I'm a sock model
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
