for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A+ Viking dick
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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