put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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