I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we're making bets on your personal life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
