Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
