I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
