Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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