Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Pants are for mortals
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
