doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize