I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
