Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
