He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
