Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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