I will die if light touches me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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