you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
