a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We smell like vodka and hangover
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