giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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