UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
