How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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