i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
