We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize