when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
