I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My liver just had a heart attack.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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