I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
