he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
3 2 1 whiskey
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
