people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I need moral support for this bender
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
