hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
