it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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