youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
