bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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