so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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