fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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