Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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